Digory Pre-Empts Scolding, Clears Self in Barking Incident
ANAHEIM, California--
Trying to head off a scolding for barking at the UPS man, Digory Atticus Dog released his own report Thursday that clears him of any wrongdoing.
Kevin and Shelby's youngest beagle is the subject of a parental investigation into whether he inappropriately barked at a UPS man delivering a very large box to the Hogan household. The box turned out to contain a baby crib intended for the future Food-Dropper, scheduled to arrive around Christmas. The crib is a gift for the Food-Dropper from Shelby's parents [ed. note: Thanks Mom and Dad!!!].
Kevin and/or Shelby are expected to release their own findings Friday. If found guilty of barking at the UPS man, Digory would be subjected to a mild scolding and would possibly not receive a cookie. Digory insists that the alleged barking, if in fact it took place, was responsible for scaring off a potential home invasion/murderer and therefore a cookie should be the least of his rewards.
"Look, all I know is that this guy was at the threshhold of our home," Digory wrote in his report. "The box could have contained a bomb, or anything, really. The fact is, once I made my presence known, he fled the scene."
The UPS man reportedly said that Digory was "cute."
UPDATE:
The parental investigation found today that Digory did indeed bark at the UPS man and is, as Kevin put it in the 1,000 page report, "Guilty as sin."
Digory immediately released a statement blaming Al Qaeda, Barack Obama, the Democrats, and the mainstream media.
Posted by Shelby at October 10, 2008 12:15 AM