Traditions You Will Not See At This Wedding

Throughout the planning process, I've repeatedly come across some "traditions" that are strange, tacky, uncomfortable, impractical, and just downright bizarre. I thought that I'd keep tabs on those here, just so you know what to expect. Some of these I recognized as tradition (that is, I've seen it done before) and some of them I've never heard of. I'll let you judge for yourself.

The Receiving Line

I have nothing against this tradition per say, except that it falls into the "impractical" category. Since the ceremony and reception will take place at the same location, I thought it might be rude to make everyone vacate the building after the ceremony, wait in line, and then come back in again.

The Chicken Dance, Hokey Pokey, Bunny Hop, etc.

There will be no dances that require attendees to shake their fannies, form a line and prance around the room, or otherwise make a fool of themselves. We feel that our guests are perfectly capable of making fools of themselves without the help of this type of music. Also, there will be no songs by the Village People.

The "Money Dance"

Also known as the "Dollar Dance," this is a way for the wedding couple to bilk more money out of their guests by offering them the right to dance with the bride or groom for a dollar donation (the bride's money goes into a little purse, the groom's is usually pinned to his suit somewhere). I find this tradition perplexing. Apparently it ISN'T the thought that counts? In all seriousness, many of our guests will be traveling long distances, and it really is enough that you can share our special day with us.

Flower Girl and Ring Bearer

We've already got two fantastic kids as Jr. Groomsman (Zach Hogan, age 9) and Jr. Bridesmaid (Corie Brix, age 5). We figured that any children younger than Corie would really be pushing the age limit at which kids can reasonably be expected to participate in a wedding ceremony. Why add the extra stress?

Bride and Groom share a glass of champagne, then throw the glass behind them so that it breaks and can never be used for a less worthy purpose

The idea is noble, but is it really such a good idea to have flying glass shards right before dinner?

The Bride's mother gets first choice of colors for her own dress. She then informs the Groom's mother of her choice so that the Groom's mother can select a different color

What, like if they dress in the same color we won't be able to tell them apart??? I think our mothers are perfectly capable of selecting their own dresses. Along that same line:

The mothers should select dresses that complement each other for the pictures. They should confer with the bride and each other on the length to be worn and whether or not to wear a hat or gloves

Hat? Gloves? You're kidding, right? And boy, there's nothing worse than going over the wedding pictures and thinking "This would be such a great picture if the mother's dresses didn't clash! They should have conferred with each other on that."

Male child attendants should wear knickers and knee socks

Two words: Yeah, right.

Bride wears long veil covering her face, which is not lifted until the wedding kiss

This tradition works really well in weddings held in European cathedrals, or in mosquito-infested locations.

Cash bar

See "ways to bilk money out of your guests" comments above.

Disco balls and other lighting effects provided by the DJ

Only if you're marrying John Travolta.

Tossing the bridal bouquet

One book suggest you even get a smaller "throwaway" bouquet so you don't have to toss the expensive one. First of all, it's not a good idea to have Shelby throwing anything no matter how inocuous it seems. Second, do we really have to weed out and line up all of the single women? I don't think so. Third, whoever catches the bouquet never turns out to be the next one to get married anyway.

The garter removal and toss

Tacky, salacious, and sexist. The chances of you seeing my thigh at this wedding are slim to none.

The Groom's cake

How much cake do we really need? Besides, I think it looks strange to have a gorgeous, towering, exquisite, formal wedding cake with another cake decorated to look like a computer or golf clubs or football sitting next to it.

Tossing rice/birdseed/confetti/flower petals at the bride and groom as they leave the ceremony

Since the distance between the ceremony site and reception site is about 20 feet, this just doesn't seem appropriate. Besides, I'm against having things thrown around at weddings. Sensing a theme here?

Releasing white doves or butterflies (in lieu of tossing rice, etc.)

Again with the 20 feet thing. Plus, after the dove/Olympic torch fiasco at the Seoul Olympics, I've been leery of events with birds. Butterflies come in the mail the day before the wedding in special little individual boxes. Releasing butterflies is a great idea, unless you're one of the unfortunate guests to tear open your box and find a little butterfly corpse. Tends to put a damper on the event.

Videographer to capture the moment on VHS

There are raging debates about videography at weddings, from those who love their video and watch it all the time to those who think that it's a really good way to punish camera-shy guests. At any rate, we kinda blew our wad on the photographer, so the videographer is out.

Know of any other strange wedding traditions? Email Shelby and I'll tell you whether it's in or out.